Father, you are kind and wonderful. I'm turning my face once again to you after years of denial. I did not know the wrongs when I committed them and now knowing what I know I ask for forgiveness and mercy. Life is tumultuous and I'm depressed. I want to throw everything away at least once a day and the only thing that stops me is an arrhythmia like feeling telling me I'm forgetting you. I feel I'm too old to accomplish my dreams. I work on them and daydream I'll be something great. Ha ha ha . Daydreamers are nothing more than stupid fools. I just learned it today and I see no way around it. My will to live is being depleted by the hour. The saddest part is I have thousands of hours to go but I can t wait for the last one. God, I need your guidance, I've seen your miracles but I'm unworthy of anything good. The only one I loved outside my family cut me off years ago and I can't stop relating him to you I'm the closest way imaginable. I've been abandoned and neglected so many times before and I get a lot of moments where I feel til do the same or have been doing it. God, please. Help me see differently. It can't be true that you would when I hear and read otherwise daily....until it came to stupid fools....God...I'm so lost. Please speak to me. Help me be wise. In the name of Jesus. Amen