Dear God,
First off I would like to beg for forgiveness for my lack of attention to you. Sometimes you make us go through things so we remember you are there. Thank you for my beautiful children. I pray you keep them strong, healthy and SAFE during these crazy times. Thank you for all the resources we have and never lacked. Thank you for me. Thank you for keeping me going. You know I have been struggling mentally with self love and adjusting to the changes in my life. Please help me to grow and heal to become the best version of myself for my kids. Lord. I am truly sorry for the sins I committed against Antonio. I am sorry for not acting in the way Jesus would. I am sorry I had sex before marriage and I am sorry I failed to display empathy, kindness, an open heart and mind to someone you sent my way. I was truly selfish and I blew it. I permanantly damaged my relationship. My mistakes many almost 4 years ago makes him hate me. Sometimes I think he wants to kill me. I do believe I am the one that caused him to get so unstable. Please heal him lord. Please make him feel better. I love him. He is very scary though. Please protect me and my boys every time we are around him. I do not blame myself for how he is towards the kids. It is so low. He picks and chooses when to be a dad and leaves me hanging like I made thsm on my own. Please give me the stregnth to keep picking up the peices and being stromg for my kids. Please help me sensor their lives as much as I can and shield them from any negativity. Please lord I pray you keep me strong. I am leaving my mothers house again to go back home and I am praying to get my own car so I can stay away ftom Antonio and be out of his grasps. I understand my share of mistakes but he made plenty too and definitley verabally and mentally abuses me in front of my kids. Please lord aide me in learning how to drive. I will not need him anymore. Most importantly I am requesting that you help me love myself. He says I am a fat ugly retarted dumb b*tch h*e sl*t. To get told that every single day has really brought me down and you know I put up with it so he can take the kids to daycare and I can work to give me and the kids better lives since he failed to do so. Please lord. Help me love myself. Help me with my depression battle. Being a mom is so hard but it is the biggest blessimg and I am grateful. He may pick and choose his duties but I love my children more than him and anything on this Earth. They are my life. Please protect them always. Amen.