Darling, you are not on your own. Jesus Christ...The King and your Father is right there. He sits on the floor right next to you. Grieving for you. Crying for you. Desperate to heal you. Heal your splintered soul. Heal your shattered heart. Hold your broken hands. Your blood can not cover this...your pain is too big. The hole is too large. Only His blood can cover and heal this. Honey, He is not the stone cold callous God you see. He is there...He see's you. He see's your face. He see's each hot tear roll down your cheeks. He longs...just longs and aches to heal you. But He knows that you have been told lies about Him. That you believe Him to not care about you. He cares so much. You are the centre of His thoughts. At all times He is thinking of you and about you. Even though you can't feel it, He is holding you so tightly. So tight. He loves you. He loves you. He loves you. He utterly adores you. He hears every shallow breath you breathe from the weight of your grief and your pain. He knows that you believe He doesn't care. He knows that you hate yourself. He knows that you blame yourself. He knows that you hold Him responsible. But He wants to heal you...to teach you. And He wants to tell you the truth about some things. Right now He knows that your blinding pain is blinding and He will not let you go. He can't. He won't. He knows that you don't believe that this can ever be ok. That you will ever be ok. But sweetheart He knows how to heal you. He knows how. He knows and fully see's the brokeness you are. He will never, ever, ever stop trying or fighting for you. And even if you don't see it or know it He IS fighting for you. He is fighting so so hard for you. He wants you safe. Healed. He wants you to know that He loves you. He wants you to know that He see's you. He wants you to know that He hears you. He wants you to know that He knows you and He knows your heart is cut in peices. He wants you to know that He has not left you alone for a moment. Not a second. And He never will. He will not leave you. He wants you to know that He knows. He knows honey. He knows what has happened and what is breaking you. He loves you. He wants you to know this...He loves you and He wants to heal you. He wants to heal your broken life. If you can't hold anything else right now, just try to hold on to that He loves you. He wants to show you truth. He can not let you go.

What's the matter!!!!!!!!!!

Mom just got diagnosed with cancer. I hate this life. Through my heart against the wall and use the broken pieces to slit my throat.